familliar feeling, pt.2

been pretty down today, tried to cheer myself up by keeping busy with this and that, but in the end the feeling of getting hurt keeps hitting me back. i dont know why, i thought i had oust this feeling long time ago. but i guess, somethings never changed. ironically, i should say i am glad to know my heart still have emotions left. judiciously speaking, i still harbour alot of pain when this familliar feeling came back. it reminded me the time where i lived life at the lowliest point of reason. i wont go into that. nobody deserves to know that except me...

a strange feeling i must say. i never knew this feeling governs over so many aspects of my life. influencing more things than i could have imagined. i lost my appetite, i lost my smile, i lost my spirit today. been doing nothing but countless sit-ups (yea..) in my room, followed by continuos chains of cigarettes.

i dont know what i've done to deserve this. but like all things in life, i guess everything comes with a reason. i must have been another of those episodes life is so fond of throwing at me. the episode where something happened and hurt my feelings, and no reason is given. it is me amid this feeling wandering aimlessly to find the reason, and not everytime i'm capable of finding the answer...

it's allright i guess..i never had the privilege to smile with a genuine joy. was born with a single wing to fly, and two feet to stand on my own. nanny was correct in her prediction after all :)

well adios, i shall keep ya guys updated with happier news soon.. need to take my car n spin around 'to chase away the blues', at least, wish me luck i will manage to chase it away k.

tenderness..

walking through the windy clouds,

the sunlight's subtle reach,

i felt a tinge of tenderness,

like how you used to embrace me,

then i discovered you've changed,

and i'm all alone now,

how would i go on now?

wandering in the cold,

how can this be?

i'm right beside you,

but i'm no longer in your eyes,

i can no longer read what your eyes are hiding,

i guess it's no use anymore,

i'll slowly fade away,

and let you have your happiness in your own world,

i cannot bear to disturb your prerogative,

this, is my last tenderness...

i do not know,

i do not understand,

i no longer wanted,

to know why my heart,..

obviously it dires your intimacy,

but i'm alone till dawn,

i do not know,
i do not understand,
i no longer wanted,
to know why my heart,..

aches when love is most beautiful when all alone,

i'll give you my best,

unwittingly, unwillingly,

i'm standing alone at this narrow alley again,

i have not cried, nor have i laughed,

i want to believe this is a dream,

but there was no sign,

no reason,

yet you've already said it all,

i shall give you freedom,

...freedom...

that, will be my last tenderness

-loosely based on : 溫柔 -

a familliar feeling..

a familliar feeling returned yesterday

i thought it had long left me

but the moment you left me out in the cold,

wandering aimlessly looking for a reason,

deja vu, or call it whatever you wanted,

that familliar feeling returned

together with it, painful memories

yes, its silly to reminiscise painful past

but baby,

"you're finally the person who is able to hurt me

yes baby, you've hurted me"

dont get me wrong though,

i dont hold you on a grudge,

nor am i hating you,

i just realised you're the one i loved,

in terms of feelings,

i've been a callous renegade with everyone

but not you

porcelain

in my dreams im dying all the time

as i wake its kaleidoscopic mind

i never meant to hurt you

i never meant to lie

so this is goodbye

this is goodbye

"tell the truth you never wanted me"

in my dreams im jealous all the time

as i wake im going out of my mind

"going out of my mind"

"porcelain - Moby"

just another piece of song, reminding me not only of a painful past, but also a lesson so great it turned my life around, and is what i justify as those pieces that shaped me.