Let go

A simple story told by me gramps, but I still carry it yet after so long.

"two Buddhist monks, a senior and his disciple took a stroll down the lake. Upon reaching, their eyes caught a lady having her bath, so did her attention. Frantic, the lady made a run for it, only to skid and twist her ankle. Frantic, so were the monks. It's a 'sin' to witness, and yet a bigger sin to lay hands on any lady. Considerations of a religious taboo hangs in the middle"

"the elder, to the panic of his junior, decided what is to do. Together, the trio made their way to the nearest village. With the lady piggy-riding the elder, and never away from the silent protests of the junior's silent eye"

"that night. junior was beginning to get uneasy. doubting. yet, reluctant to open up. Elder was unfazed. He said.....

"I have already let go of my burden back at the village, why are you still carrying yours?"

monday, fuckday, wednesday, thursday..

tried to calm myself, telling myself its a small matter. but i know exactly that im lying to myself. and i hate that. indeed today is a day i feel so fucked. pertually.literally. sub-consciously.fuckingggggg.

just lost all the sms i thought would be the very least reminiscence of sweet memories. thought would keep it forever as treasure to my memories. but fuck no, i all got deleted.

cibai la, i got no mood to write anymore. fuck i dont even know why i started this post..

relate this.

while mamak-ing, a friend of mine brought up the topic where he has this another friend who can see something we cannot see. This friend of his, was born with extra vision, where she can see foggish shapes of human silhouttes lingering among us. He goes on explaining the things that she (his friend) sees.

"...she said ar, the ghost is Perth is more aggresive than in Malaysia. Then hor, she said comparing Perth and Malaysia right, the ghosts in Perth are more prone and many on rooftops compared to Malaysia. This really freaks her out. Sometimes she cries suddenly one worr.."

"..archelli she said the things she sees doesnt have any face one. Its like foggish, semi-transparent silhoutte. With hollow-ish rounds for eyes. And normally they're in red or black..."

quote: Yi Tung

Of course i listened and nodded respectively, and go along the conversation like its normal. But that night before i slept, something came across my mind. Though I recalled it happened a very long time ago, still I was kinda 'disturbed' to know what he said that thing drew a connection to what I saw or thought I had imagined what I saw when i was two decades younger.

I was about seven that time. I remember it so well what happened that night before i slept. I shared room with my brother n parents. My dad was out to overseas that night. Bro was just getting ready to sleep as mom switch off the lights. Then, clearly in the darkness, i saw silhouttes of two child, red in color. They were frolicking slowly towards me. I shouted, mom switched on the lights, and they were gone. Surprisingly, i manage to shook that incident off that very night, thinking that i might have been imagining things. Until recently....

Reply: meme-ed by a miao

okie dokie, tis post is dedicated to miao who meme-ed (surprise surprise!!) :)
someone already 'imposing' punishments already cuz of my sluggish blog updates hehe..better 'meme' her back, just to tell her tat Tuzki chairman MaddMadd is still around (/spirit & /upup)

1.What are your goals/dreams?
To continue my pursuit of being a artist/painter (Preferably not in Malaysia)

2. The most happiest thing in your life?
Waking up everyday knowing I'm alive.

3.Favourite colour?
Black.

4. Do you have a crush now? How did you know each other?
Yep. I met her when i promised to bring her an apple strudel all the way from Perth.

5. Where do you wish to go the most?
Millpoint, South Perth, Western Australia. I have significant memories from that place.

6. What is your weakness that you can't stand the most?
I'm a cold person. And it's difficult for people to understand that I'm actually warm-hearted inside.

7. What will you do if you face something sad?
Drive alone at odd hours in the morning, listening to nothing but Jazz, accompanied with only coffee and cigarettes.

8. Most afraid to lose..?
Honour. Dignity. Pride (im a Leo). Goal in life.

9. What is the practical target within this 5 years?
I'll be a goddamn manager again. Even if I'm in a different industry now.

10. Ask yourself, do you like yourself?
Kind of, but there's a lot of self-discovery that needs to be done too.

11. Favorite song?
Varies. From Jazz to Acid Jazz. From Lounge to Chillouts. From Trance to Progressive Trance. From Oldies to Bob Marleys. From Pianos to Er-Hus.
But definitely not pop.

12.What weird things that you wish to happen?
I wish there's another species of rabbit. Called 'Tuzkis'. (/SPIRIT)

13.What age do you wish to live until?
Not for me to determine. But at least till i have accomplished something significantly meaningful and may impact on people's lives.

14. You Hate which type of people the most?
Rude/arrogant people.

15. Are you satisfied with your life?
Definitely not right now.

16. What do you wish to do the most now?
Spend some time alone on a tall tall rooftop, overlooking the busy city. With some wine, cigarettes and good music (too much to think, too little time to think).

17. What do you think will make you think that the human nature is dark?
Adulthood. Sometimes its full of bullshits and hidden agendas it makes me sick.

18. If you are in deepest depression, who will you look for?
No one. I have a bad habit of bottling up everything.

19. If god will give you one thing and take away another, what do you think it will be?
Give me courage. Take away my pride.

20. Have you found yourself?
I re-discover myself many many times, usually each time after heart-breaks. Let's just hope i will discover something different and through different ways next time.


That's all folks!!)
I don't have anyone to pass this list too (sowee miao). But hoped this list would do someone good yea? =)

So, this is what called 'memories' pt. 1

..Sometimes, i have a certain picture playing behind my head. Though subtle, but faded it is not. I still remember back in the days where i wander aimlessly in winter nights bracing the cold and chilly raindrops tinkering on my face. It was so quiet back then. And i was too, quietly hurting...

..certain time back then, i lived my life like a hermit. I remembered whisky and weed being my only friend. And i worked without an aim, only goal is to get drunk so i can sleep away the pain, and getting high during the days so i can 'float' amid my ever-lasting pain...

..i was hurt. for being taken away what i pride myself for. I spiralled straight down n landed flat on my face. The night it seems, are only there to engulf me with its generous silent darkness, as i pretended to be well and strong to my parents. but like a waddling duck on a pond, grace it seems, is not beckoned by what is struggling underneath. I was drunk, ousted myself from outside, and musics from my pc is what i want to hear. to accompany me through night after night of drunken sorrow. The day it seems, doesnt shine for me either. I was just merely working to anticipate the night. another night of solemness..

..slowly and painfully, i began to regain my stand. but not without help from certain friends. Three persons to be exact. One, is where i had known since my days of college greens. Two, is where i had known through one. And three, in which i had also known through one. Though it is rare nowadays, that we exchange hello, you guys are part of what i owe to you what i am today.

..and sometimes, a certain birdy will fly by into my lonely space. A certain someone, so far away from where i wander through those times. and to finally meet upon my return to homeland. but all is only clear after the times have moved the clouds, allowing the sun to shine in my life again..

From memories to present, i began to see what is trying to make sense. We, came from a long way to where we are today. and i secretly vowed, that I will, bring you to the place where it all began..

"it is a place of beauty, it was only me, who failed to see the beauty in things back then"

All in a day;'s work

Monday mornin', I wuz sittin on my desk, then here she comes. Motherfucker's gonna 'Drop The Pressure (1)', i said to meself. Gonna be shitload of work hey, so i whoop mah 'innernet' browser n 'I See Girls (2)'. Fuck hey, that's all i need to divert my attention from them motherfuckers. Kinda showing em' like, u know, 'Feel My Vibe (3)' dammit! Anyhoo, this here isnt a 'Perfect World (4)', now i aint complainin juz cuz not everybody can see the 'Beauty In Me (5)'..

Ah shit, go no further, the motherfucker is here already. gonna lay me piles of jobs like 'Four To The Floor (6)'. Gotta keep calm gotta keep calm.. think not of the job! think not of the job! think,..'Nasty Girls (7)'. Yea, that shud keep my mind off a lil'. And don't forget 'Sex & Sun (8)' too! righttttt.. some fantasy wont hurt. But shitty thing is that, too much fantasy leads me to some fuckin' 'Flashback (9)' i vanna forget. 'Girls Can Be Cruel (10)' huh..groan! let's not go to that topic mmmkay?

Half past noon, i have got a fuckin' tune stuck in mah head, its 'Lola's Theme (11)' from goddamn FatBoySlim.. damn i hate that song, but it's stuck in my head! Wait wait.. i can feel its going gone.. yess, yeSSS, going going,,. GONE!

huh? what's that? shit, 'Woz Not Woz (12)' u sneaky bastard, when did u snuck up on me?

so there, im stuck with another song in my head..and its only half past noon, another 5 hours to go before i hit the road!

5pm! Time to hit the road! Imma gonna put some 'Housetrack (13)' music in ma car as i make my way to Tiff's place. sweet! not forgetting to wind down the car window to share some of me music, like u know,. so people can like, 'Identify Me (14)' me. No don't get me wrong, imma no 'Rocker (15)' and never will be. Imma just smoothhh, like u know, the original cool. The real-deal, like u know, the original 'Coke', not some 'diet coke', or 'coke extreme', or some other fucktard versions. By the time i've been identified , people is gonna yell 'Don't Stop (16)'. LOL.

01 - Mylo - Drop The Pressure

02 - B Studio - I See Girls (Crazy) (Tom Neville Remix)

03 - Axwell - Feel The Vibe

04 - City Slickers - Perfect World (Steve Mac Remix)

05 - Stisch Ft. Magnus Carlson - Beauty In Me (Barfly Remix)

06 - Starsailor - Four To The Floor (Thin White Duke Mix)

07 - Inaya Day - Nasty Girls (Full Vocal Mix)

08 - Aloud - Sex & Sun Part Iii (Club Mix)

09 - Max Linen - Flashback

10 - Infusion - Girls Can Be Cruel

11 - The Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme (Eric Prydz Remix)

12 - Eric Prydz & Steve Angello - Woz Not Woz

13 - Alex Neri - Housetrack

14 - Mark Dynamix & Jaytech - Identify Me (Original Pro-Tech Mix)

15 - Alter Ego - Rocker

16 - Timo Di Roy - Don't Stop (Babylon Robots Remix)

shells shed over time's passing

Stars in the night is all i see,

and the gloomy moon is beaming out for me,

shining in the starlight of my eye,

as I fly away I'm whispering bye-bye,

I'm just another kind of guy,

and I'm leaving for another kind of world,

shiny sky above inviting me,

don't be sorry cause'

tomorrow never dies

Floating on a flyaway tonight,

and I'm sweeping through the skies in speedy fly,

leaving all the dreariness behind,

to another space another time

Amended from "Tomorrow Never Dies", by Swan Lee

"time to time i promise myself i will change for being a different person, but deterrence of irony is not an easy task. At least when i paused and looked past the footsteps i left behind, things do worked out in an unexpected twist, which is still good. At least I had hoped for being a better person now, not a different one"